Dear Single Men,
The past year and half or so, I’ve been trying to pursue you through online dating. It’s not easy, let me tell you. While I’ve had a few good dates, and made a friend or two, I’ve also been abducted (true story), had a guy who thought it’d be funny to run over baby bunnies with a lawnmower (yeah, seriously), and the guy who said he was ‘about average’, but couldn’t fit into the front seat of my car. But the one thing that annoys me the most are the ridiculous things you men think are appropriate for profile photos. The photos are the first area of your profile that a woman will look at, which means they are the most important for a first impression. And yet, I find your photos as a whole to be serious lacking.
With that in mind, here is my top ten list of how to make the best impression with your photos:
10. Do not include photos of yourself with all of your ridiculously hot guy friends. Unless it is clear that you are the hottest. But even then, it is always best to not leave a girl wondering if your friends are single.
9. Do not take a photo looking up your nose. This is the most unflattering angle. This easily adds 10-20 pounds to your face. And, besides, a woman really has no need to know how many boogers are in your nose. Your photos should always be straight on, or slightly above looking down, which is the most flattering angle.
8. Have more than one photo! One picture is not enough. Show your interests, what you like to do, hanging out with your kids (if you have them) or doing something adventurous.
7. Wear clothes in your photos! (I’m leaving out the obvious – you know you shouldn’t send pictures of your junk to a lady unless she asks. We don’t wanna see it.) I’m talking the less obvious rule that there is no way to make shirtless photos not look douchy. Especially if you’re on a boat!
6. Photos from 10 years ago are off limits. Don’t make us guess which photo is really you.
5. Your primary profile picture should be your best picture. Not the one of you wearing a hat with half your face in shadow. Not some weird selfie in your car (why do men do this?!). Not the photo of last new years after you’d had 6 drinks and look like hell.
3. Mirror selfies are lazy. Do you not have any friends? No family? No coworkers or a bartender or a waiter who knows how to push a button on a camera? Really? I don’t care that you can hold up a phone. I’d rather know you actually know people who can take a picture for you.
2. Do not post photos of you with other women. Most mobile sites and apps do not include captions to the photos. Maybe it’s your sister, but maybe it’s some hot chick you know who’s better looking than us and we don’t want to see that. We want to be the woman in your life.
1. Every photo you post should have you in it! I cannot tell you how many pictures of food, or animals or places I see on men’s profiles. I know what Machu Picchu looks like. I know what steaks on a grill look like. I know what Mt. Rainier looks like. You know what I don’t know? What YOU look like!