All day I debated whether or not I was going to watch The Bachelor tonight. As I said last week, this show really is dreadful. And Ben is really unattractive. I mean really unattractive. Buck teeth, face like a horse, hair like a… well, horse. Maybe attractive in a ‘take his shirt off an put a bag over his head’ way, but ugh. However, The Bachelor really is a single-girl staple. And just a little addicting. But my better senses had kicked in by the time the show started, I’d decided NO. I was not going to blog about it this week. I have so much more important things to do. Like finally finish Battlestar Galactica. Or do dishes. Or, caulk my bathroom windows. No joke, I was actually caulking the bathroom window. And I can hear the show in the background. The audio alone was annoying me. As Ben is describing his time with this girl, it’s Kacie B this, Kacie B that, Kacie B is blah blah blah. Seriously, dude. Her name is KACIE. Just KACIE. If you’re in a room with another Kacie, a last initial is fine. But we all know it’s Kacie B. The caption under her picture says so. Ugh.
Anywho, there I was, caulking my bathroom window (I really am not joking), and I hear that they’re in a movie theater. And then I hear that they’re showing home videos from when Kacie was a child. And then Ben’s childhood video, of course, after they’ve made a point to remind us all that his father has died. F@*# you, Bachelor and your sweetness! Who does that? Coordinates home videos to show in a romantic, private theater? (Ok, probably the producers, but still!) Who wouldn’t fall for some floppy-haired goofy-lookin’ dude who pulls that off? Ugh. F@*# you, Bachelor for dragging me back into this crap!
So, I put down the caulking gun, pressed pause on the DVR, took a shower, and now, I’m back to blogging about The Bachelor. Ugh. I am weak.
Now, it’s 8:38pm and I’m a little behind, but catching up. DVR is at 8:25. Holy crap, Blakeley’s boobs! Welcome to the show!
Taking a detour while everyone is going on and on about the group dates and half the girls are excited and half are pissed that they have to share. And Blakeley’s boobs can hardly contain themselves (sorry). And now I’m annoyed that I have to go back and edit. It’s not even that there are two Caseys. There aren’t! There’s a Kacie and a Casey. Totally different. Editing to correct the above now.
The 12 lucky co-daters find out they have to act in a play written by kids. ‘Cause if there’s something I like more than ridiculous reality shows, it’s children.
That’s it, Nicki is my new favorite. The obnoxious little brats ask her to do a sexy dance. And instead of going trashy, as nearly all of the other chicks would do, she played it cool and did the sprinkler. Genius.
Timecode 8:29pm. I nearly wet myself. Blakeley and her boobs (and that dreadful romper) get up on stage and a kid asks her to jog in slow motion! Holy crap. That kid is brilliant! And already a better bachelor than Ben!
8:30pm. We are back to my least favorite
bitch bachelorette, Courtney. Asking Lindzi if she got the rose because they had a connection or rode in on a horse. Ouch.
8:32pm. What do you get when you cross a gingerbread man with a hooker? BLAKELEY! (I can’t make this up)
8:37pm. How is it that every single part has a kiss w/ Ben? Really? Fifth and seventh graders wanted sheep and donkeys and weasels to kiss? I don’t think so.
8:38pm. Ok, that’s it. I’m done. The fire-breathing dragon blows his sheep clothes off? Til all he’s wearing is wooley underwear? In a room w/ elementary school kids? And the parents are cheering? This is seriously f@*#ed up. I’m done.
8:50pm. Ok, fine. I’m still watching. And Courtney is still a bitch.
8:57pm. Kissing Ben is dreamy. Ugh. How do you avoid those teeth?
9:10pm. Courtney hasn’t been on a date in awhile. She’s just “doing me” for awhile. So many places to go with this. Ben asks why she hasn’t. I’m gonna go with the idea that anyone who spends time with her knows she’s a bitch. Maybe?
9:20pm. Is she an actress? She’s so different with Ben. Ugh.
9:40ish pm. What is up with all the crying so early? It’s not like you just lost out on Brad Pitt. You just lost out on Mr. Woodchuck.
9:55pm. Ok, sorry, zoned out there for awhile. The first half was so entertaining. And now I’m bored. Rose ceremony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a girl named Samantha? And Monica? Huh. Blah, blah, blah…
9:56pm. For those who can’t see, Chris reminds us of the last rose. He gets paid an awful lot to just stand there and announce the obvious.
9:57pm. Oh thank goodness. The anti-social blogger chick is gone. What a trainwreck. Adios, Jenna.